by Molly Christensen - May 21, 2020
I never thought this would be part of my story. It was something that was my worst fear. I mean, sure, it happened to other people, but not me. It just couldn't. Well, it did. I got divorced.
It's been a year since my divorce has been finalized and a four and half years since we originally separated, and I STILL have days where I think, is this really my life? I am a 31 year old single mom of two children ages 5 and 8. I juggle the responsibilities of work, homeschooling my daughter, and trying to keep some semblance of order in my home. I could go on and complain about the struggles I experience daily and the pain I’ve been through, but I won't. Why? Well, if there is one thing I could get across to you, it's that there has been purpose for this pain.
If I turned back the pages of my story, you would see that from the outside I looked like I had it all. I was raised in a good home with loving parents (a dad who is a pastor), had the best childhood, and married a handsome man. A year later we had the most adorable little baby girl. I think to some people I wasn't very approachable, and I can't blame them. I had never experienced deep pain and sorrow before. But now, I can connect with women who have gone through difficult loss. I've been humbled by my divorce and separation, realizing that I wasn’t above having this happen to me. I’ve also come to know how much I need Jesus, and that I can't make it without him.
C.S. Lewis once said that “God shouts in our pains: it is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.” I feel like I had stubborn, deaf ears that needed to know who God was in a much deeper way. I look back and see a huge difference in my life from before being a single mom, to now. Even though I would never want to go through those experiences again, I wouldn't trade what I've learned for anything. I now know that God desires our hearts, more than our comfort, and loves us so deeply that He doesn't want to leave us where we are at. If we let Him, He will use our messes, our mistakes, and our brokenness to create a beautiful story. So yes, divorce is part of my story. But you know what the biggest part of my story is? Redemption.